You have endured 6 long months of deployment and you’ve got roughly one measly month left to go before you get the homecoming you’ve been envisioning for so long. You would think that it would be cruising in this last month but it has been anything but. Of all the months, this is the one where I hit the wall – a wall of frustration and impatience. These feelings were combined with a week of spotty communication with my husband and I had just plain out had it. I projected these feelings as being outwardly moody and negative, completely different from my normal, bubbly self. I was exhausted from keeping a strong façade and I was tired of being positive. I was tired of a seemingly never-ending counting down. I was tired of being alone. I had my first breakdown and I cried myself to sleep that night.
The morning after my pity party, I woke up and knew I had to be better, both for myself and more importantly, for my husband. I put make up on over my puffy eyes, had chocolate for breakfast, and put on my big girl panties. I checked my countdown and decidedly chose to see the days left as a win. As the day went on, I slowly got back to being my positive myself. I started seeing how far we had come questioning why in the hell I would quit now. I started to envision the homecoming hug and how our dog would react to seeing his fur dad for the first time in over half a year. I was in good spirits once more and it was all in how I made myself feel.
In hindsite, that was the lowest I had been during the deployment. But my breakdown taught me a couple things. I learned that not only is it okay, but it is healthy to let some tears out once in awhile. I felt immensely better afterwards and was able to get the bent up emotions out into the open. It also taught me that patience is of the utmost importance. Breaking down was not going to bring my husband home any sooner. It only brought me down and ultimately it brought my husband down too. With the countdown winding down, it is more important than ever to be patient – patient with the countdown, patient with yourself, and patient with your spouse. It also showed me just how important it was to “make your own sunshine” – to celebrate the wins in every day and to appreciate the lessons that are making your marriage stronger despite being worlds apart. This sense of appreciation for all that you both have endured during your time apart will keep those negative feelings at bay and keep you focused on all of the blessings you have to be thankful for, including the one blessing that you’ve been waiting for for what feels like forever.